I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
