Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
