I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
