you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
