ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
