Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
