I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
