Cold hands, warm shart.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My penis needs a shock collar
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
