I hate all girls vehemently.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
