you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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