The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
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I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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