I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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