Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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