It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
please don't ironically join a cult
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