Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
