this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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