i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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