somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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