i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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