just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
