Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
