if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
