it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
