Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
