So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
