i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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