I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
