I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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