This house was built for laser tag.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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