I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
