where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
