I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
