Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
