Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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