you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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