I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
