Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
