Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
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Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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