I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
