you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
