Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
