I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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