my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
