Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
