I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
