Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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