I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
