Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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