I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
be right there i have to get my cape
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
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