Joe is yelling at the trees again.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize