Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
