these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
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he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
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Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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