He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
