Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
