my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
