Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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