I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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