Need sex. Gaining weight.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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