i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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