Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
