I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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