Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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