sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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