I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
