During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
