Don't you send me to vm
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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