He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
