p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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