Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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