I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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