So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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