Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
