btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
