I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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