it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
