She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
