Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
