this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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