i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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