My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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