I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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